My Dionysos shrine on Pet Society is a work in progress ;)

I give thanks for my friends, people I've had the fortune to meet and come to love. Even the ones I've never seen in person have touched my life significantly. I love them for the encouragement and support they've offered to me, and for being there when I needed someone most.

I'm thankful for my family, who have supported me during the past year while I went through and adjusted to the biggest change in my life so far. They helped me in more ways than I can count. They've been very generous and I don't know what I would have done without that!

I'm thankful for my husband, the single person in this world who I feel the closest to. I can't imagine life without him. And I give thanks for my son; although he's so small, he's the biggest part of my life. My handsome little man changed my life for the better and makes me happier than I thought could be possible. I cherish my wonderful little family of my own and the gift of watching it grow.

Lastly, I give thanks for my gods. At times in my life when I encountered disappointment, struggle, and sadness, they have been there for me and lifted me up. Without Dionysos, I would have forgotten how to smile, to dance, to value the life in the hardest times. Without Isis, I would have given up, but She taught me to keep my chin up and be strong. Ganesha gave me comfort when I was distressed and helped me find the solutions to my problems. My Eisheth helped me take on my new role as a mother, and taught me never to take anything for granted.

I just changed my major again.

What can I say? It's habit forming.

Yesterday was the last ultrasound we'll have for this baby... at 37 weeks and 2 days, he measured about 7 lbs. and an oz. although it's likely he's anywhere between 7 and 8 lbs, given the accuracy rating for ultrasounds.  Looks like he won't be induced after all... at least not for a while!  A small part of me is disappointed just because I wanted to see him sooner rather than later, but I'm also kind of relieved because no induction means no Pitocin, which means more managable contractions and a better chance of going without the epidural.  Not only that, but inductions often end in Cesareans, which I was very worried about.  Although it's possible to have a C-section for one child and a vaginal birth with the next, it's not encouraged by a large number of doctors, including the ones at my hospital, and so it would be likely that "once a C-section, always a C-section"...

I'm so ready to have him here.  I'm glad that I have a better chance of a natural birth, though.

Honestly, and this picture isn't clear enough to be a great example, I think he looks just like my husband.  Which really makes me happy!  I know I'd say it regardless, because he's my son, but just from the fuzzy black-and-white, he's beautiful.

I'm doing this.  It's not going to be easy, and it's probably insane to think it will work, but I know I can do it!

By the time November gets here, I'll have Jack, school, Pagan Student Union (of which I'm still President since re-elections aren't until next semester) and NaNoWriMo.  That means that somewhere between reading the stack of textbooks, writing research papers, planning PSU meetings, and of course staying up at all hours of the night with my son and changing diapers, I will be attempting to write 50,000 words in a month.  I'm kind of hoping that at least it will give me something to write about.  To be honest, I've decided I'm not going to focus on quality whatsoever this time around.  I cared too much about it last year and never got beyond 30,000 words.

My strategy will be to write whatever comes to mind and pull it together at the last moment.  I'm hoping it will get me at least to the word count goal quicker than usual, so that I can try to make something decent out of it - but only if I have time!  The general idea will be something like Gaiman and Pratchett's "Good Omens"; half the book is made of the introductions of characters, and toward the last third of the novel, everyone begins interacting and the individual stories become one story. 

In the meantime, I'm doing heavy plotting. Any ideas about characters at all go into my notebook, which will be my best friend come November!  I'm also trying to get everything ready outside of NaNo so that I have time to work on it; I'm getting as much done on the research papers I have due and finishing at least one midterm this week.

Crossing my fingers!

At something like 1PM last night, I woke up and wanted a drink of milk.  I took one sip and frowned; it wasn't very cold.  Oh, well.  Went back to bed.

Well, when I woke up and started to get ready to go to the doctor's appointment, I went to get a drink and this time it was actually room temperature.  I suddenly remembered the incident hours earlier, wondered why it didn't occur to me then that something was wrong, and realized the fridge was humming but not actually cooling.  But no time to worry about it, although the fact that I had just gone to the grocery a little over 24 hours ago was depressing, because I had a doctor's appointment.   On the way out the door, I cracked my toe against the door frame.  This was a great morning.

I don't know what I expected her to say.  This wasn't my regular OB; she was the same one I'd had the visit before and she wasn't all that interested in much other than getting in and getting out.  I really wanted to hear something good, something that meant progress or that I didn't have much longer to wait.  Technically I still have three weeks until I'm forty weeks and officially done, but I've been told repeatedly that he would likely be induced around now because he's been measuring about two weeks ahead.  So although I still have time left, I've been expecting that this would be about the time he'd be here.  I'm trying to be patient, but...

Anyhow, when I got home, I had to deal with the fridge.  Lost half the food in there.  It sucks.

After I spent a few hours with Mom, including lunch with Mamaw and Papaw, and hanging out in the band room, I'm home.  I feel a lot better, too.  I guess spending some time outside and with other people really helped.  I really don't even want to think about the homework I have to do, but after the fiasco with my last homework due date, I'll regret it if I don't at least try to make some progress.  I'd much rather be sleeping... 

Zzzzz...
 

Alright, I've been postponing an LJ update for a while, and nothing makes you get things done more than postponing something else more important (it's this or homework), so here goes:

( Tons o' pics behind the cut! )

Just got out of the shower; I feel (and smell) so much better!  It's nice to sit down and take a break.  We've been working on the nursery for the past two days.  Yesterday was mostly about putting together furniture and trying to figure out where to put it all... today, I've spent a couple of hours (in a room that stays shut off from the A/C since we never use it yet) putting clothes and toys in their place. 

So far, a crib...




...the changing table (the plastic bag contains some clothes I ran out of room for, clothes Mamaw gave me that I wore when I was a baby)...



... and the Eeyore that my hubby picked out and bought for Pumpkin.



There's still plenty to do, but at least we have the basics covered!  The big things we really need now  are mostly things like hygiene stuff (baby towels, baby shampoo, etc.).  I can't wait to have the nursery completely finished!!  I still haven't even packed the hospital bag, although I did get it started. 

I'm typing this from my phone, and only because I'm bored. I'm at Mom's, kind of watching Big Brother with my mother and brother. I'm not very interested in it... not a reality TV fan. At all, actually.
Soooo... yeah. Tomorrow is all about me sitting at home doing nothing. Saturday is about going to a show with my inlaws and going out for dinner. The weekend will be fantasric, because after the stress of what could have been the news from the doctor and getting back into school, I could use some break time with my hubby... and some time to do homework.

Today went pretty well.

My first class, Age of Jackson, is going to be rough;  the reading for that class alone is going to eat my life.  At least the professor I have for that course is kind of a "familiar evil" in that he's a tough professor, but at least I have an idea of what he looks for and how he grades.  My second, Writing in the Disciplines, doesn't seem to be too intense but I'm not expecting it to be very thrilling.  It's the last two classes, History of Mexico and Russia to 1900, that I'm really going to enjoy.  History of Mexico is taught by a man who cannot seem to help but speak so fast that his lips stop moving before the last syllable reaches your ears, but he's very engaging and energetic.  He's passionate about the topic and that means a lot to me in a course.  The professor I have for Russia to 1900 is an interesting character.  He has arthritis in his hands - it's pretty bad, judging from the fact that they shook so badly that his words on the chalkboard were jagged and crooked.  He said it was from playing the guitar for 40 years.  That, the fact that his jaw shuddered as though he was freezing, and his admission of having terrible allergies made me feel terrible for the guy.  I'd been walking around on feet that more closely resembled balloons and I felt guilty for complaining about it.  But he immediately launched into lecture, which I loved.  This class is going to be fantastic.  He did exactly what I want in a History course, and the reason I became addicted to them; he indulged in those sidebars, those slightly-off-topic ramblings that are so entertaining.  For instance, he commented on the terrible drinking problem in Russia, telling a story about seeing a twelve-year-old boy stumbling down the street with a bottle of 15 proof beer at ten in the morning.  Speaking of beer, he said, "did you know it was introduced to try and reduce the amount of drinking in Russia?  And what did the Russians do?  They used it to chase their vodka."  I love it when History courses become story time.

Tomorrow I get to sleep in a bit...it's great that my doctor's appointment isn't until the afternoon.  I'm exhausted.  After class, I went to Barnes and Noble's for an Pagan organization officer meeting, was there for two and a half hours, then drove to my mother's for dinner and left for home around 9pm.  Definitely not the kind of schedule I'm used to!  But at least I feel like I accomplished something today.  Even though my butt is sore from sitting on wooden chairs all day.

It was actually really interesting; when the baby would move, the people next to me in class would see my belly jump and move and would stare at it like an alien was about to burst out of there. 

Went to the doctor today.  My blood pressure was high.  I can only hope it's not because I have toxemia; I'm hoping it's because I went shopping with Mom and Mamaw today. We visited Target, two dollar stores, Toys R Us, Hobby Lobby, restaurant and Kmart before we went to the doctor's office.  It was quite a bit of walking around considering my feet tend to swell easily and it was warm, so I'm hoping that's what got my blood pressure up.

The doctor told me that if it remained an issue, I'd have to leave school for the semester.  Great.  THAT got my stress level down.  I don't have any of the symptoms of toxemia right now but I'm still worried it's going to put me on bed rest.  I have to go back Wednesday and see my regular doctor to see what he wants me to do.  Hopefully it was just a fluke and it won't be a problem.

I can't sit and eat without something else going on, be it reading or watching TV, and interestingly enough I tend to get distracted, forget that I'm eating and walk away from my food without finishing.  Only when I feel hungry again (or I walk past my food and see it) do I realize I left a half-eaten meal somewhere. 

That's my semester up there.  Well, for three of my four classes.  Age of Jackson, Russia to 1900, and Writing in the Disciplines are the ones I'm looking forward to.  Mexican Republic is the one I dread.  But you never know, sometimes the classes you think will be awesome let you down and the ones you regret signing up for are a blast.  

Argh!  Four courses and not a single one feels like uploading a syllabus to the University website.  I can't stand it, I need to know exactly what they're going to ask of me, and I need them to tell me what books to buy so I can read them all right this moment.  I could really relieve some of this anxiety if I just knew what I'd be doing this semester.  More than anything else, I want to see what's on the proposed schedule during my due date... I believe I'm due during midterm week.  I want some textbooks and some assignments so I can get as far ahead of the game as possible... but there's still nothing!  *taps foot impatiently*

My number one worry is getting into the classroom the first day only to find my options are attempting a one-piece desk (not happening) or standing.

Probably less than 10 weeks left.  I'm gonna be a mommy!  ^_^

I almost passed out for the first time in my life today.  I had to go in and get my RH- shot today.  First, they drew YET MORE blood, something that never bothers me.  It was the same today; stick me with a needle, bleed for a moment or two, done deal.  Then she goes to give me the shot and I felt fine... for a minute.  She was holding the gauze over my arm and asked if I felt lightheaded, and I was surprised to notice I did.  It just HIT me, all of a sudden I realized I was making a plan to get to the nearest trash can if I hurled.  And I felt awful.

I didn't even notice I was fainting until someone put a cold, wet rag on my head.  Then I realized people were talking, but it sounded like I was underwater... and there were two nurses in the room... when did that happen? 

Talk about embarrassed.  I felt fine a few minutes afterward, but everyone was staring at me like I was about to puke Exorcist-style, talking about how pale I was.  "The color of the walls" they insisted. 

Honestly!  Who nearly passes out from a shot?! 

I'm trying to stay awake while my husband "finishes up" a dungeon two hours ago.  I sleep better when we go to bed at the same time... likely because it's practically dawn by the time he's done with WoW.  So I'm here to ramble.

I listened to No Leaf Clover today for the first time since sleepovers at Casey's.  I hate Metallica because they're a bunch of self-important jerks that think the universe operates with them at its center, but I will admit, that's a good song. 

I have no idea what I would do without the local drive-in theater.  They get a decent amount of business, I think, so I probably worry for nothing, but the place is set up like a lemonade stand.  Nothing is clean inside the little building, and a $1 hotdog should at least be vaguely warm when it's handed to me, but it's better than nothing... more specifically, it's better than the ripoff of going to the (indoor) movie theater.  One movie for two priced at 15 bucks and, like, seven bucks for popcorn and a drink at the theater?  How about twelve bucks for two movies, and they don't care if we pack our Long John  Silver's and the cooler full of orange soda.

Lastly, because hubby's coming to bed and it's time to wrap it up, I sang every.  Single.  Line of "Muppet Treasure Island" songs from the (pirated, appropriately) soundtrack five times today. This movie is made of awesome, largely because of the innate awesomeness of Tim Curry.

At the OB appointment I had today, I asked a stupid question.  Every time I go in there, the doctor tells us that if the baby gets to be 9lbs, he'll want to do a C-section.  Finally today, after wondering why for so long, I asked, "Why's that?"  His reply was, "He won't fit!"  Well, yeah, I guess it was obvious.  I was just kind of hoping that there was some other reason.  Then he told me that there was no reason to go through hours of labor if we'd just need a C-section anyway.

I'd actually prefer laboring for hours before having a C-section, because then at least I feel I gave it an effort.  If I'm just wheeled in, sliced open, and sent home... I didn't do any work.  I didn't overcome anything.  I didn't get the accomplishment. The way I see it, it's comparable to many of the rites of adulthood many other cultures have; boys who jump into ice cold water, boys who put their hands in gloves filled with fire ants for hours... they go through a trial that is hard work and suffering, but when it's over, they've proved themselves.  They've earned their manhood.  To me, labor and delivery follow the same concept;  I made it through the ordeal and realize my own ability. 

I understand that it's what needs to be done if it's best for the baby and myself, but it will be a great disappointment.  I know that there's a great variety of things that would make a C-section the best path for some women, and that there's nothing wrong with doing what's best for the health of both mother and child.  But it doesn't mean I have to like it. 

I really hope it doesn't come to it.  We won't know, though, until the next ultrasound at 37 weeks... which, I might add, is only 8 weeks away!  He's going to be here in no time at all.  I worry, though, that I'm going to be stressed out over school and the baby and I'll have a nervous breakdown.  The closer his due date comes, the more nervous I get.  I worry all the time; I know it won't help, but I can't seem to find a switch to flip it off.

Since Monday, I've been spending time with my mother and grandmother.  My mother had a doctor's appointment to determine the next step regarding her surgery; Mamaw had a biopsy earlier this morning.  We went together to both appointments, and between them, as women do (especially when there is a baby on the way), we shopped!  As a result, I've been sitting with my legs propped up in a desperate attempt to get the swelling to go down.  Thank goodness for Dark, who has been rubbing them every now and again.

It was good to get a break from the routine of my life, and get out a bit with family.  I didn't realize how much time I spend alone these days.  I don't mind it; I'm the kind of person that enjoys her privacy, and since I know I won't have much alone time when the baby gets here, I really value that I have the chance to take advantage of it.  There will be things to do and other needs to put in front of my own, so having the opportunity to relax for a few more months before my life forever changes is nice.

It made me realize, though, that I want to change some things.  Sometimes you get in a groove and you don't really see that you're forming some bad habits.  I think I'm a creature of habit... or I'm a creature of indulgence, which is probably more accurate.  That's my vice; I do what I want, even if it's not the best choice.  I don't believe that it's a bad thing 100% of the time, but at certain times, it counts far more than others.  It's things such as indulgence and bad habits that I have to squash before the baby's born.  It'll just be harder to adjust if I don't!

I'm watching Big Love today;  I think I've watched every season several times now.  I've got most of them memorized.  It's not the drama I like, it's the polygamy.  I love families and relationships; I've always been more comfortable in families that are atypical.  Speaking of families, this weekend I'm headed out to the cabin by the lake to spend the night with family and see an old friend.  I can't wait to catch up and to relax out there.  Maybe the extra time will be what I need to make a plan and find some organization.  School starts soon; it's now or never.

ETA:  I managed the picture but I could barely stay awake...

He sucked on his fists the whole ultrasound!  He weighs two pounds (although I feel like I'm carrying around quite a bit more), and they're guessing his due date might be closer to the 15th instead of the 26th, although I doubt the OB will agree with the techs.  Either way, I'm fine with it, because I plan to have everything ready long before he gets here.  School starts at the end of August and I want to have as much as possible finished by then, in fact.

Off to switch laundry!